My Wish for Children
If I could make wishes and those wishes would come true, my wishes would be for the children, for all children. My wishes would be these:
I wish for an unhurried childhood lived among those who love, lift and protect. I wish for homes large or small, but homes, where children feel safe and protected from storms. I wish for food, for family mealtimes and snacks between times. I wish for bubble baths, toothbrushes, bedtime stories and blankets. I wish for kisses and hugs, for cuddles and snuggles. I wish for pretend, for princesses and superheroes. I wish for forgiveness for messes and mistakes. I wish for curiosity and discovery. I wish for nonsense and laughter. I wish for sticky fingers and muddy toes. I wish for snowmen and snow angels. I wish for starry nights and firesides. I wish for grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings. I wish for magic, wonder and faith. I wish for gentle hands and band-aids. I wish for listening ears and smiling eyes. I wish for “I love you’s” and “You can do it’s.” I wish for safe neighborhoods filled with caring neighbors and friends. I wish for room for growth, for practice, and performance. I wish for singing and dancing. I wish for comfort and kindness. I wish for families where children never need choose sides among those they love.
In our imperfect world not all children are afforded these simple wishes. Not all children are safe, fed and warm. Not all children have love and kindness, but we can never give up on doing what we can to make these kinds of wishes true for as many children as possible. It is in this light that I wish to share why I think the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints new policy for children of same-sex couples is something that protects children and allows them the innocence of childhood.
Protecting Childhood
In Kim John Payne’s book, Simplicity Parenting, he shares the story of an 8-year-old boy named James. James’ parents brought him to Mr. Payne for counseling because of his high levels of anxiety, his trouble sleeping and stomachache complaints that didn’t seem food related. As Mr. Payne got to know the family he noticed how much of their daily lives was colored by world issues, those playing out on the television and the lengthy follow up discussions around the dinner table. James parents were proud of his grasp of world issues. “They felt that they were raising a little activist, a ‘citizen of the world,’ who would grow up informed and concerned.”
The primary focus of James treatment was in reducing his involvement in his parents’ intellectual lives. Televisions were removed and discussions of politics, their jobs and their concerns were saved for after James was in bed. Within the first couple weeks there was improvement. James’ level of anxiety was down, he was sleeping, he was excited about new projects and he was making friends. James’ parents no longer felt that he needed to know what they knew or care about what they cared about. “In acknowledging and protecting that difference, they gave James the freedom to be more deeply and happily his own age.”
Allowing children to be “happily their own age,” is a great gift. Childhood is fleeting and making children grow up too fast a tragedy. Some issues should just wait for a different age. Some issues should remain in the trust and care of adults until a child is ready to take them on.
In Corrie ten Boom’s, book, The Hiding Place, she shares a story of how her father allowed her the chance to be “happily her own age.” Corrie often traveled to Amsterdam with her father, a watchmaker, who went there to buy parts and synchronize his watch with the one at the Naval Observatory. Corrie saved for these trips the questions that were troubling her. On one trip she asked him about a word she had read in a book, “sexsin”. Instead of answering her directly her father stood and pulled from the rack overhead them his traveling case. He asked her if she would carry it off the train. She tugged and pulled at the case, but it was no use, it was too heavy she told him. “Yes,” he said, “And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.” That was enough for Corrie. She knew there was an answer, but she was content and at peace leaving it in her father’s keeping.
There are simply some issues that loving adults should carry without burdening children. The firestorm of words and emotions surrounding the announcement of the LDS Church’s policy regarding children of same sex marriages should make us pause to consider the wisdom of exposing children to such powerfully divisive issues. By not allowing baptism to these children the church is allowing them space to grow and develop outside that war of words and opinions. It allows children the chance to do the important work of childhood, discovering who they are and their place in the world.
There is no need to expose children to difficult adult issues, issues that strike too close to home. Children don’t need to learn about why the church feels that the kind of relationship their parents have is considered a grievous sin. They don’t need to learn about sexual orientation, the fight over traditional vs. same sex marriage, or which kind of marriage God approves of. These things can wait. Let children happily be the age they are!
Perhaps same sex couples would seek baptism in the church for their children, but I think the more likely scenario would be that grandparents, aunts and uncles, ward members and friends would seek baptism for these children. The ones who are most needed to support the family unit could unintentionally be the ones to cause harm. They wouldn’t intend to put children in a position where they have to choose whom to please; their parents, their grandparents, or God, but chances are that would be the result. Children should never be made to choose among those they love. Caring adults should protect children by presenting a united front of love and acceptance for the child and family as they are.
Mercy for the Innocents
I imagine that many of those loving adults; grandparents, aunts and uncles, ward members and friends mourn for the children who can’t get baptized. I imagine they feel helpless in their desires to bring them to Christ. But ours is a gospel of hope and love, a gospel of mercy. More than anything, I am sure that God loves his children, all of His children. It was that love that caused him to send a Savior. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, protects and provides mercy for the children we love.
The Book of Mormon prophet, Jacob, taught, “Wherefore, he has given a law; and where there is no law given there is no punishment; and where there is no punishment there is no condemnation; and where there is no condemnation the mercies of the Holy One of Israel have claim upon them, because of the atonement; for they are delivered by the power of him (2 Nephi 9:25).”
The atonement delivers children and provides mercy for these children in particular. There is a pattern in the scriptures of mercy for those who don’t know or don’t have access to the law. One familial instance of this mercy is found in the promises made to the children of Laman and Lemuel. “For there are many promises which are extended to the Lamanites; for it is because of the traditions of their fathers that caused them to remain in their state of ignorance; therefore the Lord will be merciful unto them (Alma 9:16).”
Trust in a loving God gives us hope in the face of things we don’t understand. Maybe we are children too. Maybe we are children who have to let our Father carry some things for us. In the midst of that trusting we can provide shelter for those who need it most, the children. Let us protect their childhood. Let us give them carefree days and safe sleepy nights. Let us love and support their families no matter what they look like. Let us help them be “happily their own age.” That is my wish.
Kimberli Pelo Robison is a wife, a mother of six and a writer. She obtained a bachelors degree in Family and Human Development with the hope that she could be one day be an advocate for children. She’s realized that the best advocates for children are the ones who love them most, the ones found in families.